For those of you who don't know maybe the funniest person on all of Twitter is from the great state of CT,
@rellyOnSMASH. Here is his latest
140 Characters Wasn't Enough and it is hilarious. Follow him on Twitter and hit the jump to read his blog post.
So what’s this one make? The 8th blog? The 8th classic I dropped in these cold hearted dot com streets? Ok so once I get to 10, I just want to let y’all know I’m going hollywood b…head first. That means I will be absolutely FINISHED with you regular chicks. After my 10th blog, if I can’t google you, I’m not having sex with you I’m sorry. If Mike Tyson can go hollywood after 10 minutes in the Hangover, I can go hollywood after 10 blogs fuck that. Alright that’s enough about me, lets slither over to the topic at hand.
It’s time to address these new artist in the game. I know being a new artist is difficult. You have to deal with the new fame, politics, pressure from your record label and a long list of other things. Basically your whole life changes when your name gets scribbled on the bottom of that contract. What these new artists have to understand is, every single move you make leading up to the release of your debut album dictates where the rest of your career will go. A lot of new artists come and go.
And there’s a bunch of new artists I know that won’t be around for long. Wanna know how I know they won’t be around for long? Because these new niggas’ knees are buckling under pressure and making mistakes. But like always, I will be the one to help you all reach glory and greatness. Yeah, me, the nigga from Connecticut with heated seats and long term goals.
First of all, if you’re a new artist that’s signed to an artist, you have to establish your OWN brand and get from under their shadow. Don’t get to the point where your record can’t stand out on it’s own without a feature from the boss of your label. Memphis Bleek, and his assorted durag collection, could never escape from Jay-Z‘s shadow because he depended on him to make his records hot.
Once you find yourself needing the artist that signed you as a crutch, you lost. You have to show people you have the ability to stand on your own 2 feet in the music industry, or you’re gonna drown in a sea of broken dreams. Drake didn’t needWayne, Kanye didn’t need Jay, and 50 Cent didn’t need Eminem. Follow the steps that these artists took when they were new in the game and you’ll be on the right path.
You’re debut album HAS to surpass any previous mixtape you released. Your mixtape was free music for the masses. That’s what’s going to make people anticipate the next step up, your 1st LP. The free product shouldn’t be better than the product that people have to pay for. That’s a weakness a lot of rappers in the game have. They deliver dope mixtapes, but when it’s album time they put up air balls from half court with 10 minutes left in the 1st quarter. You do NOT want this to happen on your first album.
Look at Big Sean with the Finally Famous LP. That project BODIED all 3 of his previous mixtapes by far. It’s possible, you just have to take the bar you set and raise it higher. Also, stop giving all your dope songs away, save them for your album. Don’t have them go stale on a 3 month old mixtape, THEN try to sneak it on your album. That’s like when you go see a movie and all the best parts were already in the previews. I HATE that shit. Give the people a taste of what to expect from you, you don’t have to waste your hottest tracks on mixtapes.
You new niggas also have to understand that staying true to your music is key. You have a lot of fans that were there before the label meetings and signed contracts. You gotta make sure that the music these fans fell in love with remains the same on your debut album. Don’t fall victim to what’s hot right now just because your hungry for a hit single. Stay fresh and take the sound you built your foundation with to the next level.
Last but not least……stay the hell away from Roc Nation b. Their new artists are over there with rotting souls and torn hope. I know you niggas saw this coming. You think this is the part where I go in on J. Cole right? Wrong………Ok I lied, you goddamn right it is.
J.Cole, look dog, signing with Jay-Z sounds cool and looks good on paper, but this was easily the worst decision you could’ve ever made. You’ve made COUNTLESS mistakes and it fucks us up because you’re such a dope artist. For starters, I’m sorry to say, but every last one of your singles are trash. First it was the “Who Dat” video. Who even signed off for that shit? You was in a letterman jacket tip toeing on train tracks with cars blowing up as you pleasantly strolled by. Light skinned niggas and explosions don’t mix b.
Also, you need diversity in your sound. We all know you can rap your ass off, but you only show us on beats that YOU made. You need to start accepting beats from other producers and change your formula up. There’s a reason why the streets say you make Nyquil and sleeping pill music. A lot of your beats could make a nigga doze off in his car mid lane change. And the hottest beat you EVER made, you gave to Kendrick Lamar for Hiiipower, another mistake.
You failed to capitalize off the buzz “In The Morning” had. If there was a perfect time to drop your album, THAT was the time. You should’ve just held on to that record and made it your first single. Out of all the songs you tried to push, that was easily the best look. Even though Drake was riding stallions and applying lotion on it, that song created a buzz that I know you can’t regain again before your album drops. Now you’re stuck searching for another record to drop, and match the popularity that song had and you can’t. “Disgusting” failed and “I Don’t Even Remember The Name Of The Last Song But It Was Natural Born Struggle” failed too.
So now what do you do? Announce you’re dropping ANOTHER mixtape, smh. We don’t want another mixtape Jermaine. We just want the album yo, that’s it. I can tell you’re one mistake and a chest hair away from getting your whole entire project placed on the shelf. We don’t want to see this happen to you. We don’t want you to turn into the 2011 Papoose, but that’s exactly where you’re heading at 100mph with no seatbelt on.
Aight well that’s all from me today. Please do not read any of my blogs with the side chick. Only your main chick deserves to see this type of dope shit. Just show the side chick my tweets. Well I’m outta here, y’all be cool how y’all be cool.
Oh and remember, she is no longer your girlfriend after her favorite rapper retweets her……#FACT
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